Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show
up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.

Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

***

Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall,
300 pounds... it makes ice.

***

Homer: When I look at the smiles on all the childrens faces,
I just know they're about to jab me with something.

Doh! My favorite Homer quotes:

"Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try"

"I am so smart... s-m-r-t"

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I manage to fit in 8 hours of TV a day"

Welcome homertalk
Haha!

I'm not allowed to watch the Simpsons

adam Wrote:Welcome homertalk
Haha!

I'm not allowed to watch the Simpsons

Que?

i wans tallowed to watch it when i was young ..
cause supposedly it was a bad bad thing ..

Boy must die... girl knows too much...

Hi! I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such films as 'Shuttertalk: How to kill time at work' and 'My Telephoto Affairs'.

Homer: "You mean you're never going to eat meat again? What about pork chops?"
Lisa: "No."
Homer: "Ham?"
Lisa: "No."
Homer: "Bacon?"
Lisa: "Dad, all those come from the same animal!
Homer: "Sure Lisa, some magical animal!"

de_axeman Wrote:Hi! I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such films as 'Shuttertalk: How to kill time at work' and 'My Telephoto Affairs'.

Hehe...

"Can't shuttertalk - eating"

D-OH!
D-OH!
D-oh!
D-OH!
D-OH!
D-OH!
d-OH!
D-OH!
d-oh!
D-OH!
D-OH!

Soundy Wrote:D-OH!
D-OH!
D-oh!
D-OH!
D-OH!
D-OH!
d-OH!
D-OH!
d-oh!
D-OH!
D-OH!

Why didn't tihnk of that one, lol

Good one, soundy!

"These are all funny... cause their true....."

I had a chuckle over a few of them.

Homer: Step aside eggs, bacon has a new best friend...fudge.


Otto: They call them fingers, but I've never seen them fing. Oh, there they go.

Homer: Computers can do that??!

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Sometimes you need to take in a whole scene...

Homer has joined the NRA. Marge has been pestering him to get his pistol out of the house. Homer brandishes the gun at the breakfast table. The gun goes off; the bullet riccochets off various kitchen fixtures and plugs a picture of Marge right between the eyes. The whole family stares in horror. Finally Lisa speaks: "You gotta admit, Mom, that was pretty cool."

Or one that always has me on the floor, rated one of my Funniest TV Moments Ever:

The family has gone camping and become lost in the woods. Homer is showing Bart how to trap small animals for food using a snare, formed by bending over a small tree, attaching a noose to the tip, and laying the noose on the ground for the animal to trigger it. Homer prepares his snare using a good-sized evergreen sapling...

As Homer and Bart watch from under cover, a rabbit happens by and steps into the snare...

As we watch from the vantage point of just behind Bart and Homer, te tree snaps upward, carrying the snare and the rabbit off the top of the screen. A few seconds later, we see the rabbit plummeting from the sky, far in the distance...

*rofl* I'm in tears just imagining this...

Homer: "Mmmmm. Jelly Donuts."


This is actually more witty than most would suspect. Here's why:

Quote:Mayor: "Ich bin ein Springfielder." Homer: "Mmmmm. Jelly Donuts."
Explanation: "Ich bin ein Springfielder" is an allusion to JFK's speech in West Berlin in which he said, "Ich bin ein Berliner" ("I am a Berliner"). A "Berliner," however, is not only someone from Berlin, but also a German word for Jelly Donut.
Episode: 8F09

From the "Subtly Simpsons" website.

Dr. Heibert:

Mr. Simpson, I'm afraid I have bad news - you have only 24 hours left to live.....well 22 hours actually....sorry to keep you waiting so long.

Homer:

I'm not the kind of father who says things, or does things, or even looks at you... but the love is there.

"You don't make friends with salad"